Types of Women

Hard Disk Woman:

She remembers everything, forever.

Ram Woman:

She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

Window Woman:

Everyone know that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live
without her.

Excel Woman:

They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs.

Screensaver Woman:

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun.

Internet Woman:

Difficult to access.

Server Woman:

Always busy when you need her.

Multimedia Woman:

She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD Rom Woman:

She is always faster and faster.

E-mail Woman:

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

Virus Woman:

Also known as wife when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself, and uses all your resources, if you try to uninstall her, you will lose something, if you don’t try to uninstall her, you will lose everything.

Network Neighborhood!

Tech: Right-click on Network Neighborhood.

customer: I don't see it.

Tech: Keep looking. Customer: I still don't see it.

Tech: Please keep looking, it will definitely be on your desktop somewhere.

Customer: What was it again? Tech: Network Neighborhood.

Customer: No, I don't see it. It's not there.

Tech: Okay, go ahead and read every icon you see on your screen to me.

Customer: I see My Computer, My Documents, Recycle Bin, My Briefcase, Network Neighborhood, Explorer.....

Tech: Okay, stop there. You just read Network Neighborhood to me. Right-click there please.


Customer: Right-click what? Tech: Network Neighborhood. Customer: I don't see it

Black and White ! Where are the Colors

Received a call from a new user wanting to know why her documents were not printing in color from the laser printer.

I told her that the printer is a black and white laser printer.

She said well the program said what you see is what you will get.

I told her again that the printer is only prints in black and white.
She continued to blame the software and her computer alongwith printer and wanted someone to come take a look at it.

MicroSoft ! Support Center

A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Where am I?" The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane." The pilot executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.
"Simple," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

AOL! The Internet

I listened one day as a gentleman explained that "nothing was happening" on the web. Assuming this meant that he was having problems with his connection, I asked him for the exact error message he was receiving. "I'm not getting any error messages," he said. "I just double clicked the Dial Touch America icon and hit Connect. It dialed, made some noise, then it said I was connected. It shows the duration here, which says I have been connected for 1 hour and 38 minutes but nothing has happened yet!" It was a slow day, so I walked him through all the basics of using a web browser to navigate around the web. It was obvious at this point that this gentleman's only previous Internet experience was AOL. Those darn AOL users think the Internet is all about what you're forced to see, not what you choose to see.

Operating System!

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."

The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Peeing!

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."


Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."


Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."

Customer: "What do you mean?"


Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."


Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Latest Version

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"

Tech Support: "Yeah."

Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"


Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

New Game!

Customer: My computer crashed!

Tech Support: "It crashed?"

Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."

Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."

Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed."

Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my
spaceship and now it doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"

Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

Drinking :)

It's a fallacy that alcohol makes you fat.

It doesn't.

It makes you lean.... against bars, poles, walls and other drunks!

Love Gets Stronger and Stronger

As days go by,
my feelings of love get stronger,
i want to be in ur arms,
I can't wait any longer.
Look into my eyes
&
u'll see that it's true,
day & night my thoughts r of U

My Love is getting stronger and stronger
with the passage of every moment.

Saqib

Morning

Morning is God's way of saying
1 more time... Go,
live life,
make a difference,
touch one's heart,
encourage 1's mind
inspire 1's soul
&
enjoy the day

SMS 4 Mobiles

• Friendship is vast like Universe, deep like Ocean, high like Sky, strong like Iron, kind like Mother, cute like Me, and sweet like U!


• We smile for whom we like, we cry for whom we care, we laugh with whom we enjoy & we become angry with whom we feel is our own. That's Friendship, that's Love


• God said: Don't look around coz u'll be Impressed. Don't look down coz u'll be Depressed. Just look up to me all the time & u'll be Blessed

Short Messages

Dark were those days, without your sight. When I was in darkness, you gave me light. You gave me strength 2 make life bright.Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT !


I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited,I love other alphabets too...v, w, x, y, z !


I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You. I Love You.That's because Meneka Gandhi says "Love Animals" !The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come.. But The meeting hasn't started. Guess why ? Because the Important Animal is busy reading this SMS !*********


A - U'r Attractive B - U'r D Best C - U'r Cute D - U'r Dear 2 me E - U'r Excellent F - U'r Funny G - U'r Gud Looking H -He He He I - I'm J - Just K - Kidding

Last nite I lay in bed, looking at the stars, the beautiful sky and the endless horizon.... and suddenly I thought... where the hell is my roof?******************


This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !...Now read it without the word cat

Man, Wife And A Cop
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirrorpulls to the side of the road.
A minute or so after coming to astop, a police officer approaches the car..
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hourzone.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you.Man: No sir, I was going a little over 60.Wife:
Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80! [The man gives wifedirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight.Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks![The man gives his wife another a dirty look.]Officer:
I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearingyour seat belt.Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can'tyou just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, Does yourhusband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says, "No officer, Only when he's drunk."